Disappointments

I began a personal journey over 5 years ago after moving to Cleveland. My wife and I had decided upon a church and readily became friends with many of its parishioners. Yet, what initially drew us to this church was the pastor. He had this magnetic spiritual appeal mixed in with an, 'I'm just as broken as you are attitude.'

My wife and I became very attached to this pastor. I personally was yearning to know and receive God's help at that time because I had just began my own journey in battling chemical dependency. I was broken, frail, and spiritually immature. Unfortunately, the pastor and his family returned to California after only serving 18 months at our church. I was devastated and extremely disappointed. I remember the painful moment I approached him in the church parking lot after he announced his coming departure. I was a complete mess and approached him in a very emotional way. As I approached him, he quickly, with his characteristic smile, said that he had to run and was in a hurry. The sting was real and painful. I had expected more from him and felt cheated. Where was my shepherd?

There was no anger involved, just deep sadness. Yet, I had failed to see or evaluate the issues he had going on in his own life because I was blinded by my own. It was at this time that I began to view things in a completely different way. I had completely ignored the fact that although a pastor, he is just as susceptible, if not more so, to trials and tribulations as me and any other lay parishioner. The adversary is out to get all of us, but especially the ones that are attempting to spread the word of God. I had been selfish and not respectful of his own personal situation. All I knew at the time is that I was hurting and I needed help. I was looking for a savior and a shepherd, but ended up looking in the wrong place. This experience taught me that we, as parishioners, must be careful not to put too many expectations on our church leaders. It taught me that they are human too and experience the troubles of this troubled world.

Oswald Chambers writes, "A servant of God must stand so very much alone that he never realizes he is alone. In the early stages of the Christian life, disappointments will come- people who used to be lights will flicker out, and those who used to stand with us will turn away." How true that is, yet in getting to this point of realization, we will undoubtedly have to experience the sting associated with putting too much faith in any one human being. These experiences are necessary to guide us toward a total and complete dependence upon God, and God alone. Chambers continues, "When "important" individuals go away we are sad, until we see that they are meant to go, so that only one thing is left for us to do- to look into the face of God for ourselves."

When the pastor of my church left, I was deeply saddened. Yet, it had to happen and it was meant to be. It was meant to be because God knew that I had been relying too heavily upon a person and not solely upon Him. That pastor was and still is a great man. He played a pivotal role in my personal Christian journey, transformation, and re-birth process. And to him, and people like him, may God continue to bless them in a way that brings millions more to Christ.