Disappointments

I began a personal journey over 5 years ago after moving to Cleveland. My wife and I had decided upon a church and readily became friends with many of its parishioners. Yet, what initially drew us to this church was the pastor. He had this magnetic spiritual appeal mixed in with an, 'I'm just as broken as you are attitude.'

My wife and I became very attached to this pastor. I personally was yearning to know and receive God's help at that time because I had just began my own journey in battling chemical dependency. I was broken, frail, and spiritually immature. Unfortunately, the pastor and his family returned to California after only serving 18 months at our church. I was devastated and extremely disappointed. I remember the painful moment I approached him in the church parking lot after he announced his coming departure. I was a complete mess and approached him in a very emotional way. As I approached him, he quickly, with his characteristic smile, said that he had to run and was in a hurry. The sting was real and painful. I had expected more from him and felt cheated. Where was my shepherd?

There was no anger involved, just deep sadness. Yet, I had failed to see or evaluate the issues he had going on in his own life because I was blinded by my own. It was at this time that I began to view things in a completely different way. I had completely ignored the fact that although a pastor, he is just as susceptible, if not more so, to trials and tribulations as me and any other lay parishioner. The adversary is out to get all of us, but especially the ones that are attempting to spread the word of God. I had been selfish and not respectful of his own personal situation. All I knew at the time is that I was hurting and I needed help. I was looking for a savior and a shepherd, but ended up looking in the wrong place. This experience taught me that we, as parishioners, must be careful not to put too many expectations on our church leaders. It taught me that they are human too and experience the troubles of this troubled world.

Oswald Chambers writes, "A servant of God must stand so very much alone that he never realizes he is alone. In the early stages of the Christian life, disappointments will come- people who used to be lights will flicker out, and those who used to stand with us will turn away." How true that is, yet in getting to this point of realization, we will undoubtedly have to experience the sting associated with putting too much faith in any one human being. These experiences are necessary to guide us toward a total and complete dependence upon God, and God alone. Chambers continues, "When "important" individuals go away we are sad, until we see that they are meant to go, so that only one thing is left for us to do- to look into the face of God for ourselves."

When the pastor of my church left, I was deeply saddened. Yet, it had to happen and it was meant to be. It was meant to be because God knew that I had been relying too heavily upon a person and not solely upon Him. That pastor was and still is a great man. He played a pivotal role in my personal Christian journey, transformation, and re-birth process. And to him, and people like him, may God continue to bless them in a way that brings millions more to Christ.

Freedom is NOW!

In the world we live, freedom is not a guarantee. In the United States, freedom has come at a cost, and usually a deadly cost through war and conflict.

However, in the spiritual realm, freedom is available, it's real, and it is powerful. Yet, too many of us are living our lives in a spiritually, emotionally,and psychologically self-imposed prison. We fail to see, because of our spiritual blindness, the level of freedom Jesus 0ffers us right now. There is no cost to us, except our willingness to be like a child and display a level of simpleness required to understand the ways of the Spirit.

The word simple used to conjure up negative feelings inside of me because, that must mean we are simple people with simple minds and simple ideas. And, that just won't do in this world of complexity, intellectualism, and individuality! However, I know today that response and view by me was the result of my pride and arrogance. I know today that you can still be intelligent and have a relationship with God and Jesus. I know from my own experience that you cannot combine intelligence with arrogance and false pride and expect a warm response by God.

I keep going back to Luke 19 and Jesus' triumphal entry into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday. I do, because the seed was planted by Andy Sikora, an associate pastor at Cuyahoga Valley Church during a sermon a couple of weeks ago. In that scene, Jesus rides into the city on a colt to fanfare and praise. However, Jesus weeps! Why? Because he, Jesus, knew that the people did not get the real meaning of his life and ministry. And, they were not going to get it before his crucifixion. "Have I been with you so long, and yet you have not known Me, Philip?" This is what Jesus asked of his own disciple in John 14. If his own disciples were ignorant of who he was, then we must be careful to express spiritual pride in thinking we know him. Yet, we can know him through an attitude of unknowing. How? Through a childlike attitude that says the following, "Lord I yearn to know you, I thirst to know your ways every day, and that you will look favorably upon your wretched servant." The key is that we must never lose that passion and yearning to know Jesus, while at the same time admitting to ourselves we really don't know him. Because it's the ones who don't know that know and, well, the ones that know.......they really are clueless. This gets to the heart of humility and open-mindedness and honesty. In our natural lives we always put up a facade that gives an impression that is not congruent with what is really going on in our lives. We should be careful in doing that with God and Jesus because they already know.....they know us better than we know ourselves. We can act the saint in front of others, but we had better run home and cry out in utter ignorance that we know him completely.

Oswald Chambers writes the following in his book, 'My Utmost for His Highest.' "The mystery of God is not in what is going to be- it is now, though we look for it to be revealed in the future in some overwhelming, momentous event." This is why Jesus wept. We live our lives expecting some huge upheaval to take place that will liberate us from this sinful world. That is what the people of Jesus' day expected from him. Yet, God tells us that the freedom is here and it is now and it is not contingent upon Him doing miraculous things to be viewed in the natural world. The freedom comes when we become an empty vessel so that the Holy Spirit can take up shop. Freedom comes when we allow God the ability to perform miraculous things in the spiritual realm of our lives, miraculous things that can only be explained via the concept of numinous, not anything that can be detected by our physical senses.

He goes on to say, "We look for God to exhibit Himself to His children, but God only exhibits Himself in His children." There again, we must become childlike and display a level of simplicity that is a prerequisite for God to come in and give us the gift of the Spirit. And, we will be the last to know that we have become a spiritual person. That is the real acid test for whether or not you are spiritual! People will see it in you and define you as spiritual, not the other way around. We can never proclaim ourselves spiritual, for that precludes humility. And, humility is at the heart of spirituality.

May you all find the freedom that is available to you NOW!