And just like Moses and the Israelites, God will lead and guide us in our every day of uncertainty. The Israelites had no more idea what was going to happen to them than I know what will happen to me on December 18, 2009. Yet, they allowed themselves to be led by the "cloud" by day and the "pillar of smoke" by night. And just like God led them thousands of years ago, He also leads us today. He doesn't just point in a particular direction and say, "Go there!" He doesn't straggle behind us, letting us mope around in the dark, lost. No! He is out in front of us every single day! And just because we are not in on the details of what will happen next, does not mean that we are lost. I've always heard that God led the Israelites into the desert so that they would wander aimlessly. Well, it was God's plan to have them wander. It was directed wandering. It was a planned, coordinated, and purposeful period of aimless wandering. What seemed mysterious, disjointed, and uncertain, was crystal clear to God, for He knew the design of His own plan and the results that His plan would produce.
I began writing this with the idea of moving into another topic. So much for that idea. At any rate, I would like to briefly incorporate something else I have been thinking about. I, as most know by now, am in recovery from chemical dependency. There have been some things that have happened over the last several days that have put doubt and uncertainty into my mind about the soundness of talking openly about my personal issues. Although I have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of "mind and body" and have no problems, personally, telling others of my struggle and how God has pulled me back from the gates of death, I sometimes feel that I should be more discrete. Discrete, only because I still have goals going forward in this life. As for medicine, my history is public knowledge. However, my openness could pose a problem if I wanted to get involved in other areas like politics or the medical business industry. I was listening to NPR today, 'Talk of the Nation', and the show was discussing "social networks" as hiring tools. Much advice was given and universally, the consensus was that you should not put things on their that could undermine your chances of getting hired for a job. They also stated that a lot of Human Resource departments use social network sites like Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, and the like to do their own background checks.
Therefore, I became self conscious about my degree of openness out here on what I like to call the "Wild Wild Web." Yet, God keeps harping into my ear, it's okay! As long as you proclaim My name and seek My will, you will be okay. And this goes back to my earlier discussion. I should not let the perceived thoughts and perceived actions of men control me. In fact, the position (hired, working position) I hold right now was the result of me being completely honest about all my dirty laundry. It was the first time I had approached a potential job in that way, AND it worked! Previously, I had danced around the issue. I never lied, but my plan had always been to get the job offer first, then drop the bomb on them afterwards. Well, that was the advice I received from the vast majority of acquaintances (well intentioned), including other recovering physicians, and it left me feeling awful and........ it universally failed.
So, what is the moral of the story? Well, what I think the moral is and what my experience shows is that honesty is ALWAYS, ALWAYS the best policy. I had an attorney who once told me that it is not the act that really gets you into trouble, it's the cover-up after the act has been committed. How true? Dodging, half-truths, and outright denials of the truth create more harm than the original act. Any suspicion or evidence of a cover up always brings about the wrath and anger of men and women of this world. Yet, without fail, the people in history who when first approached about some misdeed, told the truth, ALWAYS fared better than the ones who deflected, hid, or denied the truth.
In closing, I sometimes feel like the Psalmist. And my guess is that we all do during certain times in our lives. In Psalm 31:1, it states, "In you, O Lord, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame; deliver me in your righteousness." Psalm 31:11, 13 states, "Because of all my enemies, I am the utter contempt of my neighbors; I am a dread to my friends-those who see me on the street flee from me. For I hear the slander of many; there is terror on every side." However, I'm not so sure if these thoughts and feelings are true in nature. In other words, I think the devil plays a big role getting us to think that people are "out to get us" or that our past misdeeds are being used against us at every turn. To believe that, is to say that the love of God is not in too many peoples lives today. Yet, practically speaking, just as it is in life, there will always be a mix. Sure, there will be some people who will use our past "against" us. But I am just as equally certain that there are God fearing and forgiving people in this world who are just waiting for the opportunity to shower us with their grace and mercy.
Yet, what man uses to destroy, defame, and slander, God uses to mold, strengthen, and purify into the most precious gem on earth! Yes, man may use my history of addiction and all its attendant consequences in an attempt to destroy, defame, and slander, but God uses and has used my addiction and all its attendant consequences to make me into a "precious gem" and a surgical instrument for His kingdom! And, He has and always will do the same for those who seek Him. And, He will also do the same for you! Remember, both Moses and David were murderers. The Bible is replete with examples of God using "broken" people to achieve the supernatural will of God. Thanks be to God!
